A few more Kramnik jokes:
1) Joanne Rowling is working on a sequel to "Harry Potter" called "Vladimir Kramnik".
2) Vladimir's Kramnik's glasses is an artefact that increases one's FIDE raing by 500 points.
3) One of the journalists asked Kramnik if he will start playing weaker without his glasses (see #2). Kramnik replied calmly: "What will happen if you subtract a constant from infinity?".
4) While Kramnik's classmates were busy proving the Pythagorean theorem, little Vova proved that chess is a draw.
5) Vladimir Kramnik is not interested in all the chess positions, but all chess positions are interested in Vladimir Kramnik.
6) Candid Camera asked a cute blonde to approach Kramnik, ask for knight odds, while being secretly assisted by Rybka. Kramnik, being a true gentleman, decided not to win and made a draw.
7) Kramnik finds poker dull as his starting hand is always two kings.
8) Yet another eminent grandmaster has been delivered to the asylum. He claimed he can beat Kramnik.
9) Vladimir Kramnik doesn't wait for his opponents to make a move. Instead, he takes a walk and sends them the move using telekinesis when necessary.
10) There is just one player whom Vladimir Kramnik agrees to draw on move one - Peter Leko.
11) When Kramnik is playing in tournaments, book-makers don't offer odds for the winner.
12) In 1990 Kramnik was surprised to learn that the Berlin Wall has fallen, and promised he will "fix it soon".
13) After all, Botvinnik did create an artificial intelligence that plays chess. His name is Vladimir Kramnik.
14) Some openings are called after eminent masters. Chess is sometimes called "the game of Kramnik".
15) Vladimir Kramnik uses chess engines only to find out why annotators keep making mistakes when analyzing his games.
16) The Drawmaster character of the ChessMaster series is a pitiful attempt to imitate Kramnik's play.
17) Few people know that Deep Blue self-destructed after losing a chess match to Kramnik's tennis racket.
18) One day Kramnik was invited to the world chess puzzle solving contest. After he handed in answers to all the FIDE albums ahead of time, he doesn't visit these events anymore.
19) The statement "e4 is winning, d6 doesn't lose" is not against the laws of logic since it works only for Vladimir Kramnik.
20) The aliens who visited Ilyumzhinov have captured all the other planets of the Universe after defeating their best chess players. Unfortunately for them, Kirsan had Kramnik's phone number...
21) Kramnik solved checkers while being in the maternity home.
22) Kramnik says his wife plays chess on amateur level. Indeed, she still enjoys beating Rybka over and over again.
23) Kramnik was named the best painter of all times since no one can match his drawing technique.
24) Few people know that the Pepsi machine from the famous commercial that delivered a knock-out punch to Kasparov was just Kramnik wearing a special uniform.
25) Kasparov, Karpov and Fischer all failed to make it past round 1 of the "Who wants to be a millionaire" show since the question was "Who is the greatest chess player ever?" and the options - a) Kasparov b) Karpov c) Fischer d) Kramnik