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Vladimir Kramnik Facts (Humor)

User Rating: / 57
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Written by Peter Zhdanov   
Thursday, 12 May 2011
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Many people know a lot of humorous facts about Chuck Norris and other celebrities, but what about Vladimir Kramnik? Here are a few humorous "facts":

1)      There are two types of positions in chess: those that Vladimir Kramnik remembers, or those which he has forgotten.

2)      Slyusarchuk wanted to register his record of remembering 30 million digits of pi with the Guiness book, but then he found out about Kramnik's existence.

3)      During school years teachers of literature didn't ask Vova Kramnik to recite poems by heart.

4)      Anatoly Karpov launched a new elite chess set. It features leading grandmasters as pieces, while the king is Vladimir Kramnik.

5)      Kramnik didn't lose his match to Anand. He was just checking if Vishy can convert such positions.

6)      Russia is working on a new super computer with an exceptional hard drive since no other machine can store Kramnik's analyses.

7)      New doping issue: kramnidii has been banned. This substance allows one to memorize 100 pages of chess lines with just one glance. The only person who is not invited for doping control is Vladimir Kramnik, as this substance is created in his organism by natural means.

8)       Houdini managed to beat Rybka after studying Vladimir Kramnik's games.

9)      When Kramnik isn't playing in tournaments, he is busy dictating the next set of tablebases.

10)   To deal with the draw death of chess FIDE introduced a new rule: players with the surname Kramnik have to give a pawn and a move in advance to their opponents.

11)   When Botvinnik was recruiting new students for his school, he asked Vova Kramnik if he can recall the move he made in the masters tournament in the 20's. Kramnik smiled and called out not only to move, but recited the games played on other boards as well.

12)   Magnus Carlsen is so popular in Norway he even got an invitation to the "Who wants to be Vladimir Kramnik" TV-show.

13)   Kramnik was paid a huge sum by IBM when they launched the Watson computer. Otherwise he threatened to start playing Jeopardy and ruin their plans.

14)   There are two types of moves in chess: chosen by Vladimir Kramnik and inferior.

15)   When Kramnik said during a press conference that he FORGOT the accident that occured in his game vs Ponomariov (when the clock stopped), the public couldn't stop laughing for quite a time.

16)   Kramnik was elected the spokesperson for Blancpain since he knows how to stop time. Radjabov became a victim of this recently. 

17)   The World Chess Boxing Championship is held only because Kramnik is not interested so far.

18)   Hot-tempered Kasparov fired Kramnik (who used to be his second) since he often made fun of his moves during sparring games.

19)   Danailov once won a game against Kramnik. Then he woke up.

20)   Kramnik knows all the theory not only in classical chess, but also in Fischer's.

21)   When Kramnik was invited to the Amber blindfold event for the first time, he couldn't understand what the difference was.

22)  Manufacturers of top chess engines stopped asking Kramnik to comment on the games as he gives ? marks too often when analysing their play.

23)   Once the public thought Kramnik has overlooked a tricky win in 37 plies. "Ok, I will give a mate in 57, and you will be sitting and staring at this like idiots" - thought Kramnik. 

24)   Even God is afraid of playing Kramnik. The games always end in a draw, but Kramnik still knows how to put pressure on the opponent.

25)   Few people know why Fischer didn't come back, and Kasparov left chess. But you do now, don't you?

Feel free to create your own ones and leave them in the comments!

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Comments (4)
1. Written by This e-mail address is being protected from spam bots, you need JavaScript enabled to view it on 21:57 12 2011 .
 
 
Kramnik Facts
Kramnik solves mate in 5 puzzles in 3 moves. 2 moves against Topalov. 
 
Other players start the game with 8 pawns; Kramnik starts with 8 miniature replicas of Chuck Norris. 
 
An "antipositional" move is defined as one that would not have been played by Kramnik. 
 
Kramnik can castle by hand with his toes. 
 
Kramnik cannot have a backward pawn-- if this appears so, it is actually the board that is oriented backwards. 
 
Other players start the game with 2 bishops; Kramnik starts with 2 Popes. 
 
Boden's mate actually left Boden when she heard that Kramnik was in town. 
 
Opening Theory that is actually played by Kramnik becomes Opening Fact. 
 
Caissa was a Thracian dryad known as the "goddess of chess", but she prefers to be referred to as, "Kramnik's bitch." 
 
Kramnik does not calculate variations-- he only calculates the enemy king's life expectancy.
 
2. Written by This e-mail address is being protected from spam bots, you need JavaScript enabled to view it on 23:16 12 2011 .
 
 
Title
Kramnik only draws so people won\'t figure out he\'s an alien like FIDE President Kirsan Ilyumzhinov has.
 
3. Written by This e-mail address is being protected from spam bots, you need JavaScript enabled to view it on 23:43 01 2012 .
 
 
Title
Incredibly, Kramnik once confessed to a failure in memory: \"I can\'t recall ever having forgotten anything,\" he admitted. So, he\'s human after all!
 
4. Written by This e-mail address is being protected from spam bots, you need JavaScript enabled to view it on 15:27 27 2012 .
 
 
jbzbZoTiV
Great tnhiikng! That really breaks the mold!
 

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